The Constant Yearning To Know...

We have just found out that one of our boys, whom we called Stephen, and his baby brother have been adopted by another family and are home here in the US. I need to state up front that we are beyond happy that they are out of the orphanage, and quite frankly, out of Kazakhstan. With that said, we still struggle with the fact that we will not be the ones to parent them.

I recently caught up with a former student of mine whose father was killed in a motorcycle accident when I was his teacher in the 8th grade. I saw firsthand the devastation experienced by him and his family. I know that pain well, as I lost my brother two weeks before my thirteenth birthday when he was only sixteen. So, when this young man told me that although so many people have told him that it gets easier with time and yet it has actually become harder over time I completely understand and empathize with him. After my brother died, it got harder as the years past instead of easier. Why? Because I mourned what could have been and what I would never know. I feel the same way about the three sons we loved and lost.

I will always wonder about them. I will always yearn to know what they are doing and if they are well. It pains me that this family that adopted Stephen knows exactly who we are and yet they have not reached out to us. We are trying hard to find out who they are, but I believe they do not want to be found and want nothing to do with the adoption community and may even fear being in touch with us. I think it is cruel for them to know all we went through to adopt him and all we endured to have his biological mother's right revoked (hence, making him available for adoption) and yet shut us out. We do not want to interfere with their family's life...we just want to know how he and his baby brother are and be able to watch, from afar, as they grow and thrive in their new lives. I pray that this family will contact us and allow us this small privilege.